When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Going!

But what about when YOU have nowhere left to go?

Then what?

What do YOU do? Where do YOU go?

Because I am sure I am not alone in being sick and tired of being sick and tired. Tired of feeling like I am always going left and nothing is going right.

But right according to whom?

Whose standards am I measuring my life against? And who gave them permission to decide whether I am behind?

If I am being honest, that may have been my first mistake.

The Word tells me I am in this world, but not of it. Yet here I am, chasing the world’s accolades, trophies, and likes. Trying to collect enough evidence that I am doing something with my life. Something worth noticing. Something worth congratulating.

And five minutes after I get it, what happens?

Everybody moves on.

My little moment of “Ooooh, She did that!” is over. The applause gets quiet. The accomplishment that took so much out of me gets buried beneath the next best thing.

And there I am, already trying to figure out what I can do next.

Did I even enjoy what I just accomplished? Did I let myself sit with it? Or did I immediately turn it into the minimum requirement for whatever comes after it?

How did something I once prayed for become something I barely pause to appreciate?

Somewhere along the way, I started running myself ragged trying to get to the top of a mountain.

Losing air. Freezing. Trying to get a grip on something icy and cold. Looking around and realizing there is nobody in sight.

But I keep climbing.

Because I wasn’t satisfied in the valley. I wanted the mountaintop. The view from up there is supposed to be so much better.

But again, says who?

I haven’t been to this version of the top. I don’t know what is waiting for me. I have imagined the view, attached a feeling to it, and convinced myself that once I get there, all of this will make sense.

Who says the side of the mountain I am climbing even has the view I am looking for?

Who says this is the mountain I was supposed to climb in the first place?

Did GOD direct me here? Did I ask? Or did I see somebody else standing somewhere high and decide I needed to get there too?

That is an uncomfortable question when YOU have already put so much into the climb.

Time. Money. Energy. Pieces of YOURSELF YOU keep promising YOU will get back once things settle down.

And now YOU are halfway up, wondering whether YOU are following purpose or trying to prove a point.

Because I can.

Because I said I would.

Because I am tough enough.

Because what will people think if I stop?

There it is again. People. The same people who will congratulate me for a few seconds and then get back to their own lives.

Meanwhile, I still have to live in mine.

“For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” Mark 8:36

I know the verse speaks about the soul. But I keep thinking about my mind too. About what happens when I am so determined to reach another height that I ignore what the climb is doing to me.

I can’t think clearly. I can’t enjoy where I am. Even when I stop working, my mind is still reaching for the next thing. I call it drive, but some days I need to be honest about how much fear is driving it.

Fear of being overlooked. Fear of wasting potential. Fear of having to explain why something didn’t work. Fear that without another accomplishment, I won’t have enough to show for myself.

That is a lot to carry up a mountain.

Especially when I never stopped to check whether I had what I needed for the climb.

Where is the rest? Where is the support? Where is the room to admit that I am struggling without immediately following it with, “But I’ll figure it out”?

I usually do figure it out. That doesn’t mean it costs me nothing.

So what happens when the strong one, the tough one, decides to stop?

Does that erase every hard thing she has already made it through? Does she become a failure because she finally asks whether continuing makes sense?

And why do we call turning around the easy way out?

I still have to climb down.

I still have to find my footing. Make decisions. Face disappointment. Grieve what I thought this was going to be. Maybe explain a change I am still trying to understand myself.

There is nothing particularly easy about that.

But continuing has questions too.

If I reach the top, will it be enough? Will I finally let myself breathe? Or will I spot a taller mountain and decide this one didn’t count?

And how am I getting down once I get up there?

I have spent so much time thinking about arrival that I haven’t given enough thought to the life I expect to live afterward. What will it take to maintain what I am chasing? What will I have left for the people I love? Will there be any room for me to enjoy it?

I want to accomplish things. I want my work to matter. I want to build something that lasts.

But I need to be honest about what I am asking those accomplishments to do for me. A title cannot settle every insecurity. A successful launch cannot answer every question about my worth. More attention comes with more expectations, and I am already tired of performing for the ones I have.

So maybe before I make another move, I need to have a conversation with GOD that isn’t just me asking HIM to help me reach the top.

Did YOU send me here? What am I holding on to because YOU asked me to, and what am I holding on to because I don’t want to look like I quit? If I need to change direction, help me be honest enough to hear it.

I don’t have a neat answer for all of this. I wish I did.

Some of these questions have been sitting in my mind, and today my fingers finally wanted to let them out.

I am still figuring out what needs perseverance, what needs a different approach, and what I need to release. I can’t assume that everything difficult is wrong. I also can’t keep using “I’m tough” as a reason to ignore every sign that something needs to change.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

But before I take another step, I need to know where I am going. And why.

Because “I can handle it” and “GOD called me to it” are two different answers. And I owe myself the honesty of knowing which one is keeping me on this mountain. 💜