When Procrastination Has YOU in a Chokehold

I’ve been wondering how much of my procrastination is tied to fear.

Something I’ve been pondering: procrastination really be having me in a chokehold.

And I can laugh about it, but I also have to ask myself what’s underneath it. Because when something matters to me and I keep finding reasons to put it off, “I’ll get to it” starts sounding a little incomplete.

Will I? When? And what exactly am I waiting to feel before I do?

I’ve been wondering how much of my procrastination is tied to fear. Then I got stuck on another question: fear of failure or fear of success?

Because the more I sit with it, the more I wonder whether they’re two sides of the same coin. In both, I’m being stretched. In both, there are things I’ll have to learn that I cannot learn by standing here thinking about them.

So what am I trying so hard to avoid?

Failure is the easier fear to explain. I don’t want to put my heart into something and watch it fall flat. I don’t want to invest time, energy, or money and discover that what I imagined doesn’t work the way I thought it would. And I don’t particularly enjoy the thought of people having opinions while I’m still trying to figure things out.

But there’s another layer to it. What if I try, it doesn’t work, and I make that mean something about me? What if “this needs work” becomes “who did I think I was?”

That’s a lot to attach to a first attempt.

Then there’s success. The one we’re supposed to want so badly that being afraid of it almost sounds ungrateful.

But what if it works?

What if people show up? What if they buy it, read it, listen, or ask for more? What will it take to keep showing up once the excitement wears off? Where will the time come from? What will I have to stop doing to give this the attention it deserves?

I can want an opportunity and still have questions about the life that comes with it.

Maybe I’m afraid of succeeding once and then feeling like I have to keep proving that it wasn’t an accident. Maybe being seen sounds good until I remember that people will actually be looking. Maybe I want something to grow, but I haven’t figured out how to let it grow without giving it every available piece of me.

Those are real questions. Leaving the whole thing untouched doesn’t answer any of them.

And that’s where procrastination gets convenient. As long as I haven’t really tried, the possibility stays intact. I can keep saying, “I could do that.” I don’t have to find out where I’m good, where I need help, or whether the idea needs to change.

An unfinished idea can stay perfect in my head for a very long time.

But it also stays unfinished.

I think about how much comfort there is in “one day.” One day doesn’t require an actual decision today. It lets me keep the dream and postpone everything that comes with pursuing it.

Meanwhile, I’m still carrying it. Still thinking about it. Still feeling that little pull every time I remember what I said I wanted to do. Putting something off doesn’t always get it off my mind. Sometimes it gives it more room.

And I need to be fair with myself here: being tired is real. Having too much on my plate is real. Sometimes I need rest, help, or a clearer idea of what to do next. I can’t call every delay fear and expect that to explain my whole life.

But when I do have a manageable next step, and I keep circling it, I owe myself a more honest answer than “I’ve just been busy.”

What am I expecting to happen if I actually follow through?

This is where the coin makes sense to me. Success and failure have different consequences. A loss can hurt. It can cost something I don’t easily get back. Success can bring joy and opportunity, along with responsibilities I’ll need to prepare for.

But both can take me into unfamiliar territory. Both can reveal something about how I work, what I need, and what I’m willing to keep doing.

Maybe I’ve been waiting for a way forward that lets me stay completely comfortable with myself.

I don’t know that I get that option.

I do get some say in how I move. I can start small enough to learn without risking everything. I can ask for help before I’m overwhelmed. If something succeeds, I can decide how much more I’m willing to take on. Success doesn’t require me to say yes to every request that follows.

And if something fails, I can look at what actually happened before turning it into a verdict on my ability.

Even the lessons require my participation. I can fail and refuse to examine why. I can succeed and assume I have nothing left to learn. Either outcome can teach me something if I’m willing to pay attention and change what needs changing.

So maybe the goal is to become more willing to find out.

I can take that to GOD, too. The fear of being disappointed. The concern that I won’t know how to handle what I’ve asked for. I don’t have to dress any of it up to pray about it.

And I can ask for wisdom about the next step without expecting a guarantee about every step after it.

For me, that means getting specific. What is one thing I can finish with the time and capacity I actually have? What would I need to learn before taking a bigger risk? If the thing I fear does happen, what could I do next?

Those questions give me something to work with. “What if?” by itself can keep me occupied all day.

I keep coming back to the thought that I may be stretching and learning either way. What I learn from this attempt might be exactly what I need for the next one. I’d like to give myself the chance to find out.

Because I’m asking so much about what happens if I fail or succeed that I also need to ask:

How long am I willing to keep wondering?

Let’s get honest: when YOU think about the thing YOU keep putting off, what scares YOU more the possibility that it won’t work, or what might change if it does?

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